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GETTING ALONG & TAKING CARE

HAVE YOU EVER FELT FEAR…

Have you ever felt fear for someone, or that you won’t be able to help them and take care of them?

Do you want no never feel so helpless again?

If so, this chapter is for you!

I invite you to explore it and get all the answers you could possibly need on the topic…

Niki Markov

Author, The Socio-Functional Theory

GETTING ALONG & TAKING CARE

The Socio-Functional Definition: Ability to act in ways that are useful, pleasurable, productive, caring, beneficial, and overall positive for another person.

Highlights of the chapter:

  • The Problems with getting along and caring for others
  • Imagine that – A short story explains it all
  • The explanation – Everything starts with the need.
  • How does human nature deal with this need – “Interpersonal Sensitivity” as a trait of human nature.
  • What do religions have to say about it?
  • How does science explain it?
  • The reason for the identified problems.
  • What does all of this mean for the 5 major areas of life…
    – Intimacy & Relationships
    – Parenting
    – Health & Well-Being
    – Career, Business & Leadership
    – Social contacts & Reputation
  • What can we do to actually get along and take care?
  • The challenge – the most important question about yourself
  • My promise to you
  • The solution – What psychological profiling could tell you about yourself, that you don’t already know?

 This chapter is available also in different languages:

 The Problems:

  • First, we need to want to help and take care of someone

  • Then we need to be able to give our unsolicited help, which often is unappreciated

  • Our efforts, no matter how good and noble are, provoke irritation and sometimes even anger in the receiver, which leads to rejection.

Imagine that…

 

Imagine you’re sitting with a friend who’s struggling with a difficult decision. They’re torn between two options and don’t know which way to go. As a true friend, you want to help. But before you jump in with your advice, you stop and think. You remember a time when someone tried to help you, but their advice was based on their own values and goals, not yours. It didn’t feel right, and it didn’t help. Even worce – it irritated you…

So, whe similar situation presents itself, instead of rushing in with your own ideas, you take a deep breath and ask your friend what their underlying goals and motives are in this situation. You listen as they share their hopes and fears, their wants and needs. You see the situation from their perspective and understand what’s truly important to them.

Only after that, and with this newfound understanding, you’ll able to offer help that’s tailored to your friend’s specific needs. You support them in a way that feels right, in a way that moves them closer to their goals. Moreover,a way that does not face all of their barriers.

In that moment, you’re not just a helpful friend. You’re a caring friend who truly understands what it means to help someone in a way that makes a difference.

Everything starts with the need

 

As we already know from the Socio-Functional Theory, everything starts with our deep psychological needs. In this case, it is the need to move towards some goal in the future, that brings us closer to satisfying our needs…

Need for success and achievement: Our ability to process information, combined with that of interacting instrumentally with the surrounding world and people, combined with our ability to see interconnections between the past, the present, and the future, leads to another interesting phenomenon. We are able to anticipate potential outcomes that would improve our ability to satisfy our needs. This gives rise to the need for a set of mechanisms to help us achieve these results in the future and thus improve our ability to satisfy our needs. We call this group of mechanisms “Goal-orientedness”

In addition to that, since people are part of our surrounding world, we often can’t stay unconcerned about their feelings and the way they express them. Indirectly, since their feelings (as anyone else’s) are a consequence of their needs,  this leads to us, being engaged in their needs.

This interrelation is directly connected to another one of our needs:

Need to get along with other people and help them: … In order to get support in the process of satisfying our needs, we have to position ourselves as high as we can in the social hierarchy. But this, in itself, is a problem as it leads to intra-group competition. It is, however, detrimental to the group itself and would lead to its collapse, as each member of the group would pursue his own interest. This gives rise to the need for a set of mechanisms that would allow us to navigate on a purely intuitive level about what – in relationships with other people – is good for our needs and what is bad, both for our personal needs and for those of others. Through these mechanisms, we acquire the ability to identify the needs of others and match our own with theirs in an adaptive way. We even get an incentive to help other people in the process of meeting their needs. Without these mechanisms, groups would simply not exist and people could not coexist together, let alone continue the species. We call this group of mechanisms “Interpersonal Sensitivity”.

Those two needs combined, lead to the phenomenon of us interpreting on a deep subconscious level those needs of others as our goals and therefore becoming driven, motivated, and sometimes even filled with enthusiasm about achieving those goals, which indirectly manifests as helpfulness and care towards them.

That said, it becomes clear, that there is an intersection between the two mentioned groups of mechanisms (Goal-orientedness & Interpersonal Sensitivity).

This intersection is actually a specific trait of human nature, that we call “Helpfulness”.

In case you wonder how a trait of human nature could be an intersection – it’s simple – that trait serves both needs.

So what actually is Helpfulness & Caring as a trait?

… and since often people need both – Science and Religion,  to make sense of and accept something…

What religions have to say about that…

  • Christianity: “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:4
  • Islam: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (Hadith Sahih Bukhari)
  • Judaism: “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.” – Proverbs 3:27
  • Hinduism: The Hindu teaching of “Seva,” which emphasizes the importance of serving others and helping them to achieve their goals.
  • Buddhism: The Buddhist principle of “Maitri,” or loving-friendliness, which involves extending warmth, kindness, and support to others, and the concept of “Karuna,” or compassion, which involves helping others to overcome their difficulties.
  • Sikhism: “The one who serves and helps others is closest to God.” – Guru Granth Sahib
  • Baha’i Faith: The Baha’i teaching of “Prosperity in Abundance,” which involves using one’s resources to promote the well-being of others and helping them to achieve their goals, and the principle of “Unity in Diversity,” which involves embracing and supporting the diversity of all people and helping them to achieve their goals.

How does science explain it?

 

When a person sees another person in need of help, the following neurobiological processes occur:

1. Perception: The information about the person in need is processed in the different centers in the brain responsible for each sense (for ex. the visual cortex located at the back of the brain, for visual perception) (Tanaka & Saito, 1989).

2. Emotional Processing: Once received, The information is then sent to the amygdala, which is responsible for processing emotional information and determining whether the situation is a threat or not (LeDoux, 1996). If the situation is perceived as non-threatening, the amygdala sends signals to other brain regions, including the insula and the somatosensory cortex, to generate an emotional response, such as empathy (Singer & Lamm, 2009). The insula is involved in the subjective experience of emotions and the somatosensory cortex processes sensory information from the body (Craig, 2002). This information integration leads to the experience of empathy, which is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. (Please note that Empathy is a combination of multiple constructs including helpfulness, compassion and perspective change and for each of which we will dedicate a separate chapter).

3. Social Cognitive Processing: The information is then processed in the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), which is involved in social cognition and decision-making (Ochsner et al., 2002). The ACC integrates information about the other person’s distress, past experiences, cultural norms, and personal values to determine the appropriate response.

4. Motivational Processing: The ACC sends signals to the hypothalamus and the ventral striatum, which are involved in the regulation of motivation and reward (Hollerman & Schultz, 1998). The release of dopamine in these regions can increase the feeling of reward associated with helping others, reinforcing the behavior.

5. Action: Finally, the motor cortex receives signals from other brain regions and generates the appropriate response, such as offering help or support. (Unless for some reason, we suppress our impulse for action, due to the mechanism of self-control).
To fully understand the process of helping and caring, we should note that the above is a simplification of a complex process and that many other brain regions and neurotransmitters, such as Serotonin and Oxytocin, also play a role in the regulation of helping behavior (Baumgartner et al., 2008; Kosfeld et al., 2005).

References:

• Baumgartner, T., Heinrichs, M., Vonlanthen, A., Fischbacher, U., & Fehr, E. (2008). Oxytocin shapes the neural circuitry of trust and trust adaptation in humans. Neuron, 58(4), 639-650.
• Craig, A. D. (2002). How do you feel? Interoception: the sense of the physiological condition of the body. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 3(8), 655-666.
• Anderson, A. K., & Phelps, E. A. (2001). Lesions of the human amygdala impair enhanced perception of emotionally salient events. Nature, 411(6835), 305-309.
• Singer, T., Seymour, B., O’Doherty, J., Kaube, H., Dolan, R. J., & Frith, C. D. (2004). Empathy for pain involves the affective but not sensory components of pain. Science, 303(5661), 1157-1162.
• Hollerman, J. R., & Schultz, W. (1998). Dopamine neurons report an error in the temporal prediction of reward during learning. Nature Neuroscience, 1(2), 304-309.
• Kosfeld, M., Heinrichs, M., Zak, P. J., Fischbacher, U., & Fehr, E. (2005). Oxytocin increases trust in humans. Nature, 435(7042), 673-676.
• LeDoux, J. (1996). The emotional brain: The mysterious underpinnings of emotional life. Simon and Schuster.
• Ochsner, K. N., Knierim, K., Ludlow, D. H., Hanelin, J., Ramachandran, T., Glover, G., & Mackey, S. (2002). Reflecting upon feelings: An fMRI study of neural systems supporting the attribution of emotion to self and other. Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience, 14(3), 617-630.

 

Now back to the problems from the beginning:

 

Our journey started with the identification of the 3 main problems with helping and caring. (1) Wanting to help, 2) Providing unsolicited help, and 3) Provoking pushback)

At the same time, as you might already notice, the trait of human nature, which we examined (Helpfulness), on its own is not able to solve all three problems. It actually addresses only the second one – Providing unsolicited help.

Meaning, that the mentioned trait is responsible only for the proactive helping part, but does not include the willingness part and the ability to actually understand the real needs and goals of the other person.

For those two problems, human nature has 2 different mechanisms:

  • The value of “Althruism” (which gives us information about the degree to which a person believes that helping is good, desirable, important, and preferable)
  • The trait “Perspective change” (which provides us information about the ability of the person to “put himself in the other person’s shoes”

Both of those mechanisms are object of separate chapters, but for now, we need to understand, that without them, our efforts for helping the right way will almost certainly be in vain. and one or more of the mentioned problems will often occur.

 

(P.S. To fully understand all what’s needed for proper help and care, please take time to visit the chapters dedicated to the two mentioned mechanisms above)

Helpfulness as a personality trait:

It reflects a person’s tendency to feel an impulse to help people and the degree to which is willing to try to be helpful. It is about doing the fist thing we feel would be helpful for the situation.

Low Scorers:

1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

Strengths:

  • Do not waste time on other people’s problems and needs;
  • Are effective in the context of pursuing their own goals, without distracting themselves by spending time for others;

Weaknesses:

  • Perceived as cold;
  • Suffer lower chances of getting help since are known for not providing such (the reciprocity and fairness factor);

 

High Scorers:

1% ——|—————-|——100%

Strengths:

  • Concerned about other people;
  • Always ready to “come to the rescue” and “lend a hand”;
  • Dear friends and colleagues;

Weaknesses:

  • Often waste too much time and resources to help other people;
  • Neglect their own goals, in the name of other people;
  • Susceptible to manipulations in the name of other people’s interests and needs;

 

What does all of this mean for the 6 major areas of life…

INTIMACY & RELATIONSHIPS

Low Scorers:

1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

Strengths:

  • Do not waste time on other people’s problems and needs;
  • Are effective in the context of pursuing their own goals, without distracting themselves by spending time for others;

Weaknesses:

  • Perceived as cold;
  • Suffer lower chances of getting help since are known for not providing such (the reciprocity and fairness factor);

 

High Scorers:

1% ——|—————-|——100%

Strengths:

  • Concerned about other people;
  • Always ready to “come to the rescue” and “lend a hand”;
  • Dear friends and colleagues;

Weaknesses:

  • Often waste too much time and resources to help other people;
  • Neglect their own goals, in the name of other people;
  • Susceptible to manipulations in the name of other people’s interests and needs;

 

PARENTING

Low Scorers:

1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

Strengths:

  • Do not waste time on other people’s problems and needs;
  • Are effective in the context of pursuing their own goals, without distracting themselves by spending time for others;

Weaknesses:

  • Perceived as cold;
  • Suffer lower chances of getting help since are known for not providing such (the reciprocity and fairness factor);

 

High Scorers:

1% ——|—————-|——100%

Strengths:

  • Concerned about other people;
  • Always ready to “come to the rescue” and “lend a hand”;
  • Dear friends and colleagues;

Weaknesses:

  • Often waste too much time and resources to help other people;
  • Neglect their own goals, in the name of other people;
  • Susceptible to manipulations in the name of other people’s interests and needs;

 

HEALTH & WELL-BEING

Low Scorers:

1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

Strengths:

  • Do not waste time on other people’s problems and needs;
  • Are effective in the context of pursuing their own goals, without distracting themselves by spending time for others;

Weaknesses:

  • Perceived as cold;
  • Suffer lower chances of getting help since are known for not providing such (the reciprocity and fairness factor);

 

High Scorers:

1% ——|—————-|——100%

Strengths:

  • Concerned about other people;
  • Always ready to “come to the rescue” and “lend a hand”;
  • Dear friends and colleagues;

Weaknesses:

  • Often waste too much time and resources to help other people;
  • Neglect their own goals, in the name of other people;
  • Susceptible to manipulations in the name of other people’s interests and needs;

 

CAREER, BUSINESS & LEADERSHIP

Low Scorers:

1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

Strengths:

  • Do not waste time on other people’s problems and needs;
  • Are effective in the context of pursuing their own goals, without distracting themselves by spending time for others;

Weaknesses:

  • Perceived as cold;
  • Suffer lower chances of getting help since are known for not providing such (the reciprocity and fairness factor);

 

High Scorers:

1% ——|—————-|——100%

Strengths:

  • Concerned about other people;
  • Always ready to “come to the rescue” and “lend a hand”;
  • Dear friends and colleagues;

Weaknesses:

  • Often waste too much time and resources to help other people;
  • Neglect their own goals, in the name of other people;
  • Susceptible to manipulations in the name of other people’s interests and needs;

 

SOCIAL CONTACTS & REPUTATION

Low Scorers:

1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

Strengths:

  • Do not waste time on other people’s problems and needs;
  • Are effective in the context of pursuing their own goals, without distracting themselves by spending time for others;

Weaknesses:

  • Perceived as cold;
  • Suffer lower chances of getting help since are known for not providing such (the reciprocity and fairness factor);

 

High Scorers:

1% ——|—————-|——100%

Strengths:

  • Concerned about other people;
  • Always ready to “come to the rescue” and “lend a hand”;
  • Dear friends and colleagues;

Weaknesses:

  • Often waste too much time and resources to help other people;
  • Neglect their own goals, in the name of other people;
  • Susceptible to manipulations in the name of other people’s interests and needs;

 

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

Low Scorers:

1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

Strengths:

  • Do not waste time on other people’s problems and needs;
  • Are effective in the context of pursuing their own goals, without distracting themselves by spending time for others;

Weaknesses:

  • Perceived as cold;
  • Suffer lower chances of getting help since are known for not providing such (the reciprocity and fairness factor);

 

High Scorers:

1% ——|—————-|——100%

Strengths:

  • Concerned about other people;
  • Always ready to “come to the rescue” and “lend a hand”;
  • Dear friends and colleagues;

Weaknesses:

  • Often waste too much time and resources to help other people;
  • Neglect their own goals, in the name of other people;
  • Susceptible to manipulations in the name of other people’s interests and needs;

 

Now, on the part of the solution…

(What to do to properly help and care in the context of all the above)

Regarding their need for Authenticity – Accept them as they are, try to put them in circumstances that support their strengths and values;

Regarding their need to Feel – Try to touch their emotions while interacting with them. Be more expressive and showcase emotions in the conversation;

Regarding their need for Rationality – Let them think for themselves, don’t convince them;

Regarding their need for Freedom – Do not impose on them anything and don’t get in their way of the gratification pursuit. Give them opportunities and choices;

Regarding their need for SecurityInform them of the potential risks; What would be the consequences, and what would they mess up or miss if not careful. Showcase to them what negative outcome would be their responsibility if occurs because of the specific context;

Regarding their need for good HealthRemove anything unpleasant and toxic between you two, and apologize for any past inconveniences you might have caused;

Regarding their need for PredictabilityShare your vision about the future, Explain what challenges you foresee in that future, preparing them for what’s to come and what would be needed to deal with that future in your opinion.

Regarding their need for StimulationStimulate their imagination, offer them the opportunity for variety and thrills, challenge them, and show them new perspectives and possibilities;

Regarding their need to UnderstandProvide all the objective information you have, truthfully. Explain and articulate things in the most simple way possible, and in their language. Ask them if they could maybe want to repeat it in their own words, and correct them non-judgmentally if needed.

Regarding their need for PleasureOffer them a sensual pleasure for all of the six senses (smell, touch, hearing, taste, visuals, and internal sensations). Be a positive, funny, entertaining, and unburdening company for them; Engage them in joyful activities;

Regarding their need for AchievementIdentify what they value and are aiming at, and offer your help only for that;

Regarding their need for ResourcesAsk them if they are interested to find out ways how you are able to save more, earn more, and spend less. (in terms of resources – whatever those might be) And provide this info only if they are truly interested;

Regarding their need for IntimacyBe there for them. Just listen. Ask them about their feelings, fears, and aspirations. Provide a compassionate, non-judgmental year. 

Regarding their need for Status & Recognition  – Uplift, encourage, and praise them for what they are. Share what you admire about them;

Regarding their need for EnergyOffer to take off as much of their load as possible for you. Offer to substitute them for some of their duties. Offer to save them time and energy in any way possible, but do all those things only for things that you are able to execute at least as well and efficiently as them.

Regarding their need to Deal with the Physical worldShowcase to them what tools you use and know of, for similar cases, situations & challenges;

Regarding their need to Relate and Deal with others – Be honest, share how you feel about them, open up about your fears and desires, and goals in front of them;

Regarding their need to Socialize – Introduce them to others, and let them decide whom to keep and whom to let go. Accept how they feel and act toward other people.

Regarding their need to be AcceptedBe open and non-judgmental about their ways of doing things, but give them objective, non-shaming or blaming feedback for how usually things are done (how you and others do those)

Regarding their need to Take care of themselves despite others – Always be fair to them. Accept that they do whatever they do because of them, not because of you. Give them objective, non-shaming, or blaming feedback for how you feel about their behaviors, and how those hurt you.

The Challenge

 

If you are convinced that getting along and caring is worth trying, spend 15-20 minutes visualizing how will it look for you to get along and care for a specific person – someone important to you…

Use the mentioned above ways and just visualize how will you look doing them for that person, and how will you feel while doing it.

Try to imagine yourself as vividly as possible – caring for that person, going through each of the needs mentioned above.

MY PROMISE TO YOU:

if you decide to take on this challenge, I promise you, you will not regret it and it will improve dramatically your connection with that person! 

In case you are wondering how good you actually are with getting along and caring in real life…

Knowing oneself is probably one of the most important tasks one has in this life!

And there are only two ways of achieving this…

  • Through a lifetime of introspection and self-analysis or…
  • Through the process of psychological profiling, which will shed light on your deep psychological characteristics, some of which we discussed in this chapter.

Don’t want to wait for a lifetime?

 

Благодарност VS Самодостатъчност

Socio-FunctionalF essence of human nature.jpg

Тази статия е налична на различни езици / This article is available in different languages:

Благодарност VS Самодостатъчност

Ключови моменти: 

      • Проблемът: Защо хората не оценяват това, което правим за тях? 
      • Какво е благодарността и за какво ни служи?
      • Проявления на  и информацията, която ни носи.
      • Какви са проявленията на ниските и съответно високите нива на благодарността, като черта от човешката природа.
      • Проблемите при двете крайности във всяка от 5-те основни сфери от живота.
      • Разбирайки проблемите, какво можем да направим?
      • Библиография, източници и ресурси за допълнително информация

ПРОБЛЕМЪТ:

Защо хората не оценяват това, което правим за тях? 

В ежедневието ни се случва да правим неща за другите хора, а в замяна често изглежда, сякаш  не получаваме необходимото признание и благодарност. 

По-интересното е, че това явление се наблюдава, независимо дали говорим за роднини, близки приятели, далечни познати или тотални странници от улицата, за които сме направили някакъв малък жест.

Това макар и често безобидно явление, може да бъде изключително изнервящо. Не само това, но то носи потенциала да ни отдалечи от близките хора или да създаде у нас негативно впечатление за непознатите.

За да намалим тези негативни ефекти, следва да започнем с разбирането на явлението и причините за съществуването му…

ВСИЧКО ЗАПОЧВА С ПОТРЕБНОСТТА

Какво е благодарността и за какво ни служи?

Благодарността е социална емоция. С други думи я изпитваме към друго живо същество (човек или животно).

Както всяка емоция, така и благодарността служи на конкретна потребност.

Конкретната потребност, на която благодарността служи е потребността да се задвижваме към различни цели в бъдещето.

Както всички емоции, така и благодарността се появява вследствие на нещо случило се извън или вътре в нас.

В конкретния случай с благодарността – започваме да я изпитваме, когато някой друг е направил нещо, с което ни е помогнал да се приближим или да постигнем наша осъзната цел.

Обърнете внимание на думичката “осъзната” в горното изречение…

Именно тук се крие голяма част от проблематиката с благодарността, или по-конкретно с липсата й.

Много често, правим жестове и помагаме на хората, за неща, които ние ценим и определяме като желани цели, важни, смислени и полезни за другия.

Това обаче съвсем не значи, че тези неща, са такива за другите хора. Или с други думи, хората може да имат съвсем различни цели и поради тази причина да не отдават необходимата значимост на направеното от нас.

Това от своя страна, често ги кара да реагират по начини, обрисуващи ги като неблагодарни, а понякога дори като егоисти в нашите очи.

Затова е важно да можем да се поставим на тяхното място.

За да може да постига целите си, човек, трябва да вярва, че те са постижими и по-конкретно – постижими за него. Това означава, този човек да приема, че отговорността за това да постигне целите си е изцяло негова и че всякакви външни влияния са маловажни в контекста на целите му, в сравнение с неговия личен принос.  В тази си увереност, той приемаа, че има всичко необходимо, за да постигне целта, или ако го няма – знае и може да си го набави, с ясното съзнание, че си зависи изцяло от него. В тази връзка, липсата на благодарност всъщност не е равнозначна на неблагодарност, а е следствие изместване на фокуса далеч от чуждия принос, а по-скоро към собствените усилия.  По този начин, той започва да изглежда в очите на околните, като неблагодарен (когато получи непоискана помощ).

Благодарността и нейното изразяване обаче, има няколко важни про-социални функции:

  1. Стимулира бъдещото желание на хората да си помагат отново;
  2. Сплотява групата и стимулира кооперативността в нея, тъй като способства реципрочността между хората (склонността да връщат услугата, когато някой направи добро за тях)
  3. Засилва способността на хората да виждат положителното у другите, което ги стимулира да искат повече бъдещи интеракции с тях, като по този начин Засилва връзката и подобрява взаимоотношенията между хората.

Това автоматично я прави важен механизъм за справяне с предизвикателствата.

Разглеждайки благодарността като такъв механизъм, автоматично означава, че гледаме на нея като на черта от човешката природа. И като всяка подобна черта, и благодарността има различни степени на проявление в отделните хора. Едни хора са по-склонни да изпитват и изразяват благодарност, от други.

Можем да мислим за силата на проявление на тази черта, като визуализация по скала от 1% до 100%:

И тъй като както казахме по-горе, всъщност не става дума за неблагодарност, а по-скоро за нещо, което се изживява от човека като самодостатъчност в контекста на постигането на целите, то при разглеждането на резултатите по скалата за тази черта, приемаме, че колкото по-близък е резултатът на индивида до 1%, толкова благодарен изглежда той за околните. 

1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

И обратното – колкото по-близо е до 100%, толкова самодостатъчен ще бъде той:

1% ——|—————-|——100%

 Хората, които имат средни резултати, са част от „нормата“ (по-голямата част от хората) и следователно имат балансирана комбинация от проявленията, изброени по-долу:

1% ——|—————-|——100%

 

Какви са проявленията на ниските и високите нива ПО СКАЛАТА “Благодарност – САМОДОСТАТЪЧНОСТ”?

Каква информация ни носи за човека, като черта от неговата човешка природа?

НИСКИ нива =  БЛАГОДАРНОСТ

1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

Хората с НИСКИ резултати по скалата Благодарност – Самодостатъчност, често са описвани от околните като:

  • Имат склонност да

ВИСОКИ нива = САМОДОСТАТЪЧНОСТ

1% ——|—————-|——100%

Хората с ВИСОКИ резултати по скалата Благодарност – Самодостатъчност често проявяват следните характеристики:

  • Способност за

Проблемите при двете крайности във всяка от 5-те основни сфери от живота:

  1. Любов, Връзки, Интимност и Семейство:

In order for two people to build a well-working, long-lasting, loving relationship, they need to understand what love is, and what influences people’s ability to love.

From “The Socio-Functional Theory of Human Nature” we know, that Love is the bouquet of feelings, sensations, moods, emotions, thoughts, and actions that accompanies the relationship between two people when they:

  • Carry the “promise” of being able to take care of each other’s needs (either by actually taking care or by showcasing the potential ability to);
  • Have similarities with each other in leading values;
  • Are not too different in their ways of dealing with challenges;
  • Have shared emotional experiences;
  • Are understanding each other intellectually;
  • Are experiencing intimate attraction (when it comes to intimate love);

Understanding the above, whelp us identify potential problems between partners, originating from the differences in their human natures, or in this case – in their preferred mechanisms for adaptation to change:

Problems with the low scores:

1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

  • Problems with Carrying the “promise” (or in other words – the ability to be liked): People with lower scores will be considered too narrow in their thinking, and as if they lack the needed “open-mindedness” for the frivolous and spontaneous nature – firstly for the initial “flirt game” and later on – for the constantly changing life. This often makes them look boring in others’ eyes. Their hesitancy in approaching challenges (including those of winning the partner) will be considered indecisiveness and lack of courage. Others often think of such people as self-underestimating which is very unattractive in the eyes of a potential partner. The typical tendency of people with lower scores to “consult” with others before making a decision is often considered a lack of opinion autonomy and even to some degree a dependency, which is usually a very unattractive thing to see in someone for an initial impression. Their tendency to correct others’ mistakes and wrong understandings predispose them to easily get into interpersonal tension and even conflict. Overall others often look at them as people “that are not made for success” and therefore not worth considering for potential partners.
  • Problems with lack of similarity in leading values (The ways they prioritize how to take care of the other): Will think others need structure and predictability the same way he/she does, which will lead to imposing unwanted rules and ways of doing things to his/her partner, claiming there is always “a right way” of doing things.
  • Problems with too many differences (focusing on the shortcomings of the potential partner): Tends to form an opinion in advance, build expectations for things, and will be too “judgy”, all of which eventually leads to disappointment, frustration, mental strain, and stress in the context of starting a new relationship.
  • Problems with gaining shared emotional experiences: Will need predictability and structure in their everyday life, which will take away the possibility of a spontaneous, adventurous life, since it will bring unacceptable amounts of stress.
  • Problems with the understanding of the partner: Will consider the signs of self-confidence of his/her partner as over-confidence and therefore as excessive risk. This will bring more insecurity to them and they will “lecture” their partners about it. This in turn, will be interpreted as a lack of faith in their partner’s abilities and will evoke irritation and frustration, and in time will lead to alienation and lack of will to “fight” for the relationship in challenging moments.
  • Problems with intimacy: Will be very opinionated about what’s acceptable and right in bed and what is not and wrong, which will lead to a more conservative and potentially more monotonous love life (from the perspective of a potentially more open-minded partner).

    Problems with the HIGH scores:

    1% ——|—————-|——100%

    • Problems with Carrying the “promise” (or in other words – the ability to be liked): Will be considered too messy, chaotic, and frivolous. Unpredictable and willing to change their opinion, therefore unreliable.
    • Problems with lack of similarity in leading values (The ways they prioritize how to take care of the other): Will not consider the specific ways others want their needs to be taken care of, since they possess the ability to be flexible and diverse in their approaches. Believing there is no single right way to do things, will lead to a direct conflict with their significant other and ultimately will mess up their ability to take care of them.
    • Problems with too many differences (focusing on the shortcomings of the potential partner): Tends to judge others as not open-minded enough and even narrow-minded, unable to see the nuances in life. Dismisses opinions of right and wrong as black-and-white thinking, which shows in their attitudes and behaviors toward others and thus alienates them. 
    • Problems with gaining shared emotional experiences: Will need spontaneity and freedom for a flexible approach in their everyday life, which will take away the possibility of predictability, planning, and structure. This will take away all the frivolous stuff and variety that they enjoy so much and will make their everyday life feel mundane and boring.
    • Problems with understanding the partner: Will have problems understanding the reasons for what looks like low self-confidence in their partners, which will irritate them.  In turn, their partners will feel “the heaviness” of their confidence, often interpreting it as though their partner looks down on them.  This will bring their self-esteem even further down, leading to feelings of incapability and ultimately – unworthiness.
    • Problems with intimacy: Might be very adaptive to the needs of the partner in bed, which could leave a wrong feeling in others and be interpreted as a lack of identity in making love and an inability to lead the love game.

    РАЗБИРАЙКИ ПРОБЛЕМИТЕ, КАКВО МОЖЕМ ДА НАПРАВИМ?

    ПСИХОЛОГИЧЕСКО ПРОФИЛИРАНЕ

    We recommend you (and your partner if you have one) undergo a process of in-depth psychological profiling so that you could:

    • Understand the exact manifestations of your human nature in the context of the mentioned mechanisms above
    • Find out about all of the other characteristics of your human nature and their manifestations.
    • Be able to aim at the right potential partner (if you are still searching) or understand how different you actually are from your current partner (analysis of potential fit/match).
    • Deal with the challenges (for yourself or with your partner if you have one) and improve your relationship.

    DEVELOPMENT PROGRAM

    We recommend you (and your partner if you have one) to go through our personality development program, which will help you (both) to:

    • Improve your capabilities in the mentioned mechanisms above
    • Improve your relationship (if you are currently in one)
    • Become a better partner for your potential future loved one (in case you are still searching)
    • Gain knowledge and skills, customized to address all the problems above and many more.

    Spread the love and help more people to improve their love and intimate lives:

    Bibliography, resources, and references with related information:

    • The Science of Gratitude & How to Build a Gratitude Practice | Huberman Lab Podcast #47
    • Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). “Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life.” Emotion, 7(2), 281-288.
    • Seligman, M. E. P., Steen, T. A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). “Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions.” American psychologist, 60(5), 410.
    • Watkins, P. C., Woodward, K., Stone, T., & Kolts, R. L. (2003). “Gratitude and happiness: Development of a measure of gratitude, and relationships with subjective well-being.” Social Behavior and Personality, 31(5), 431-452.
    • Algoe, S. B., & Haidt, J. (2009). “Witnessing excellence in action: The ‘other-praising’ emotions of elevation, gratitude, and admiration.” Journal of Positive Psychology, 4(2), 105-127.
    • Froh, J. J., Sefick, W. J., & Emmons, R. A. (2008). “Counting blessings in early adolescents: An experimental study of gratitude and subjective well-being.” Journal of School Psychology, 46(2), 213-233.
    • Wood, A. M., Froh, J. J., & Geraghty, A. W. (2010). “Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration.” Clinical psychology review, 30(7), 890-905.
    • Lu, L., & Gilmour, R. (2011). “The effects of gratitude on emotional well-being: A meta-analysis.” Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 41(5), 1173-1191.
    • Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). “Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change.” Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111-131.
    • Kashdan, T. B., & Biswas-Diener, R. (2014). “Two traditions of well-being research, and the future of both.” The Journal of Positive Psychology, 9(1), 3-14.
    • Schutte, N. S., Malouff, J. M., Thorsteinsson, E. B., Bhullar, N., & Rooke, S. E. (2018). “A meta-analytic review of the effects of gratitude on well-being.” Journal of Positive Psychology, 13(5), 509-527.
    • Deutsch, M. (1949). “A theory of cooperation and competition.” Human Relations, 2(1), 129-152.
    • Sawyer, R. K. (2006). “The new science of collaboration.” Harvard Business Review, 84(11), 96-104.
    • Lewicki, R. J., & Tomlinson, E. C. (2018). “Trust and distrust in organizations: Emerging perspectives, unique challenges.” Annual Review of Psychology, 69, 489-516.
    • Bales, R. F. (1950). “Interaction process analysis: A method for the study of small groups.” Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley
    • Johnson, D. W., & Johnson, R. T. (1989). “Cooperation and competition: Theory and research.” Edina, MN: Interaction Book Company.

    Адаптивност

    EVERYTHING STARTS WITH THE NEED

    Промяната е единственото сигурно нещо на този свят.

    Без значение колко сме добри в това да контролираме себе си, обстоятелствата, другите хора или средата, в която живеем, рано или късно се сблъскваме с непредвидена и, следователно, неочаквана промяна.

    И тъй като въпросът не е дали, а кога, е важно да разгледаме какво се случва с нас в този момент.

    Хората имат способността да се адаптират към промяната и новите обстоятелства, които идват с нея. Едни се справят по-добре, за други е по-трудно. С други думи,  някои са по-адаптивни от други.

    Тези, които се адаптират по-добре изпитват по-малко стрес в живота си. 

    За да напомним,  Социо-Функционалната дефиниция за стрес звучи така: “Стресът е физиологичната реакция на организма, настъпваща при ситуации, изправящи индивида пред предизвикателства, за които той има усещането, че му липсват знания, умения, ресурси и подкрепа да се справи.”

    Следователно, колкото по-адаптивен е човекът, толкова по-малко стрес изпитва през живота си.

    Това обаче, не променя факта, че и по-малко адаптивните хора трябва да се справят с промяната и предизвикателствата, идващи с нея.

    За да го постигат, те имат склонността да структурират света и да подреждат хаоса в него с цел да си набавят известна доза предвидимост. Това им позволява да предвиждат част от наближаващите промени и вървящите с тях предизвикателства.

    За жалост, факторите, оказващи влияние на обстоятелствата и развоя на събитията са твърде много, за да бъдат предвидени. Променливите са твърде разнообразни и произхождат от често непредвидими източници.

    Това води до тъжната истина, че всяко чувство за контрол над обстоятелствата е по-скоро лъжливо и имагинерно. Всъщност в опитите си да структурираме и контролираме света, обстоятелствата и другите хора, ние по-скоро си пречим, а не си  помагаме, обричайки се на трайно завишаващи се със времето нива на стрес.

    Този ефект се засилва и от факта, че с напредването на възрастта, адаптивността на средностатистическият човек спада значително, което автоматично означава, че и нивата на стрес се повишават.

    Всичко това идва да покаже,че ако иска да се справя по-добре с промяната и предизвикателствата, идващи от нея, както и да бъде изложен на по-ниски нива на стрес, човекът следва да полага повече усилия за подобряване на адаптивността си и по-малко такива за структуриране на света и търсене на предвидимост, с цел избягване на проблеми.

    По този начин можем да постигнем и още един любопитен ефект – да пренасочим голяма част от фокуса си от негативното към позитивното и от вредното, към полезното.

    Помислете само – едно е да се фокусираме над това как да подобрим себе си и способностите си, а съвсем друго, над това как да избегнем потенциални проблеми и рискове. В единия случай емоцията е положителна, докато в другия – негативна. В единия случай се развиваме, в другия се ограничаваме.

    Не ме разбирайте погрешно, не казвам да не планираме и да не търсим предвидимост доколкото можем. Но за правилните неща!

    Това може да изглежда така: да полагаме необходимите усилия за повишаване адаптивността си, докато в същото време правим най-доброто на което сме способни, за да предвидим и планираме желани, полезни и смислени цели за едно по-добро бъдеще.

    Или както гласи поговорката: ”Да се подготвим за най-лошото и да се надяваме на най-доброто!”

    Именно за тази подготовка говорим. Тя може да представлява усилия в посока повишаване на адаптивността ни или усилия за набавяне на структура и предвидимост, с цел да избегнем потенциални проблеми. 

    За жалост, рядко можем и двете. По много причини: липса на енергия, липса на време, липса на ресурси, липса на подкрепа и правилно обкръжение и др.

    Тук е моментът да направим две важни уточнения:

    1. Повечето от модерните общества са изградени и структурирани около идеята за предвидимостта, реда и планирането на рисковете. 

    И това не е случайно! 

    Все пак една група (каквито са социумът  държавата, градът, общностите, субкултурите, организациите и пр.) е толкова силна, колкото нейния най-слаб член. 

    От друга страна, една от основните задачи на всяка група е грижата за нейните членове. 

    По този начин, разглеждайки ниската адаптивност към промяната като потенциална слабост у много от членовете на групата, основна задача на социума е грижата за структурирането на света така, че той да не представлява толкова голямо предизвикателство дори за неговите по-слаби, разбирайте по-неадаптивни членове.

    1. Социо-Функционалната теория за човешката природа разглежда адаптивността като по-добрия механизъм за справяне с промяната и предизвикателствата, а предвидимостта, като възможна, но по-малко ефективна алтернатива.

    Тези две уточнения ни показват, че съществува своеобразно противоречие между това да бъдеш високо-социализиран и “успешен” гражданин и това да си способен да се адаптираш максимално добре към промяната независимо от другите.

    В тази връзка, най-адекватният възможен подход, който човек би могъл да използва, ако иска да бъде успешен в съвременния социален свят е, да се старае да бъде възможно най-адаптивен, но да предоставя колкото се може повече яснота и предвидимост на другите хора от групата си.

    Така стигаме до момент, в който от една страна имаме разбирането за промяната и предизвикателствата идващи от нея, а от друга, Социо-Функционалната теория ни ни помага да разберем, че природата е надарила човека с групи механизми за справяне с различните предизвикателства.

    За да разгледаме в конкретика начините за справяне с предизвикателствата, идващи от промяната, е време да се задълбочим в групата механизми, отговорна за това. Социо-Функционалната теория нарича тази група механизми: “Адаптивност”.

    Адаптивността е способността на човека да се приспособява към нововъзникнали обстоятелства, променяйки се по такъв начин, че да запази или подобри функционирането си.

    Ако разглеждаме адаптивността като черта на човешката природа, тя ни носи информация за начините, по които човек се справя с промяната и се приспособява към нови ситуации, хора, среда и изисквания.

    Можем да мислим за силата на проявление на тази черта, като визуализация по скала от 1% до 100%:

    Колкото по-близък е резултатът на индивида до 1%, толкова по-малко адаптивен е той и толкова повече структура и предвидимост ще му трябват:

    1% ——|—————-|—— 100% 

    И обратното – колкото по-близо е до 100%, толкова по-адаптивен е той и толкова по-малко структура и предвидимост ще му трябват:

     1% ——|—————-|——100% 

     Хората, които имат средни резултати, са част от „нормата“ (по-голямата част от хората) и следователно имат балансирана комбинация от проявленията, изброени по-долу:

    1% ——|—————-|——100%

    Какви са проявленията на ниската и високата степен на адаптивност?

    НИСКИ нива на адаптивност

    1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

    Хората с НИСКИ резултати по скалата Адаптивност често проявяват следните характеристики:

    • Имат склонност да избягват вземането на неразумни решения, като това им помага да не се въвличат в излишни рискове;
    • Демонстрират склонност да планират възможните изходи от различни ситуации, за да намалят риска от неизвестното;
    • Структурират, подреждат и поддържат средата в предвидимо състояние, за да намалят физическото и интелектуалното натоварване от хаоса;
    • Стремят се да поддържат реда, йерархиите и статуквото;
    • Справят се добре с изискванията за повтарящи се и еднообразни дейности, идващи от другите хора, обстоятелствата и средата;
    • Склонност за съобразяване с правилата, нормите, социалните очаквания и морала като цяло;
    • Имат много силно изразена позиция относно това кое е добро и кое – лошо, правилно и грешно;

    ВИСОКИ нива на адаптивност

    1% ——|—————-|——100%

    Хората с ВИСОКИ резултати по скалата Адаптивност чрсто проявяват следните характеристики:

    • Способност за вземане на решения и предприемане на действия по-лесно от другите;
    • Умеят да вдъхват доверие на другите, тъй като са уверени в своите способности и умения;
    • Проявяват спонтанност и автономност и са склонни да импровизират;
    • Умеят да се адаптират бързо (чисто физически), към променящата се среда.
    • Имат добра координация и са сръчни (умели). Лесно и бързо усвояват нови физически умения и дейности, което им дава добър потенциал за спорт;
    • Умеят да се справят с междуличностните отношения и с трудните хора;
    • Способни да навигират през сложни, постоянно променящи се обстоятелства с променливи правила и изисквания;

    WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN IN THE CONTEXT OF LOVE, INTIMACY & RELATIONSHIPS?

    In order for two people to build a well-working, long-lasting, loving relationship, they need to understand what love is, and what influences people’s ability to love.

    From “The Socio-Functional Theory of Human Nature” we know, that Love is the bouquet of feelings, sensations, moods, emotions, thoughts, and actions that accompanies the relationship between two people when they:

    • Carry the “promise” of being able to take care of each other’s needs (either by actually taking care or by showcasing the potential ability to);
    • Have similarities with each other in leading values;
    • Are not too different in their ways of dealing with challenges;
    • Have shared emotional experiences;
    • Are understanding each other intellectually;
    • Are experiencing intimate attraction (when it comes to intimate love);

    Understanding the above, whelp us identify potential problems between partners, originating from the differences in their human natures, or in this case – in their preferred mechanisms for adaptation to change:

     POTENTIAL PROBLEMS:

    Problems with the low scores:

    1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

    • Problems with Carrying the “promise” (or in other words – the ability to be liked): People with lower scores will be considered too narrow in their thinking, and as if they lack the needed “open-mindedness” for the frivolous and spontaneous nature – firstly for the initial “flirt game” and later on – for the constantly changing life. This often makes them look boring in others’ eyes. Their hesitancy in approaching challenges (including those of winning the partner) will be considered indecisiveness and lack of courage. Others often think of such people as self-underestimating which is very unattractive in the eyes of a potential partner. The typical tendency of people with lower scores to “consult” with others before making a decision is often considered a lack of opinion autonomy and even to some degree a dependency, which is usually a very unattractive thing to see in someone for an initial impression. Their tendency to correct others’ mistakes and wrong understandings predispose them to easily get into interpersonal tension and even conflict. Overall others often look at them as people “that are not made for success” and therefore not worth considering for potential partners.
    • Problems with lack of similarity in leading values (The ways they prioritize how to take care of the other): Will think others need structure and predictability the same way he/she does, which will lead to imposing unwanted rules and ways of doing things to his/her partner, claiming there is always “a right way” of doing things.
    • Problems with too many differences (focusing on the shortcomings of the potential partner): Tends to form an opinion in advance, build expectations for things, and will be too “judgy”, all of which eventually leads to disappointment, frustration, mental strain, and stress in the context of starting a new relationship.
    • Problems with gaining shared emotional experiences: Will need predictability and structure in their everyday life, which will take away the possibility of a spontaneous, adventurous life, since it will bring unacceptable amounts of stress.
    • Problems with the understanding of the partner: Will consider the signs of self-confidence of his/her partner as over-confidence and therefore as excessive risk. This will bring more insecurity to them and they will “lecture” their partners about it. This in turn, will be interpreted as a lack of faith in their partner’s abilities and will evoke irritation and frustration, and in time will lead to alienation and lack of will to “fight” for the relationship in challenging moments.
    • Problems with intimacy: Will be very opinionated about what’s acceptable and right in bed and what is not and wrong, which will lead to a more conservative and potentially more monotonous love life (from the perspective of a potentially more open-minded partner).

      Problems with the HIGH scores:

      1% ——|—————-|——100%

      • Problems with Carrying the “promise” (or in other words – the ability to be liked): Will be considered too messy, chaotic, and frivolous. Unpredictable and willing to change their opinion, therefore unreliable.
      • Problems with lack of similarity in leading values (The ways they prioritize how to take care of the other): Will not consider the specific ways others want their needs to be taken care of, since they possess the ability to be flexible and diverse in their approaches. Believing there is no single right way to do things, will lead to a direct conflict with their significant other and ultimately will mess up their ability to take care of them.
      • Problems with too many differences (focusing on the shortcomings of the potential partner): Tends to judge others as not open-minded enough and even narrow-minded, unable to see the nuances in life. Dismisses opinions of right and wrong as black-and-white thinking, which shows in their attitudes and behaviors toward others and thus alienates them. 
      • Problems with gaining shared emotional experiences: Will need spontaneity and freedom for a flexible approach in their everyday life, which will take away the possibility of predictability, planning, and structure. This will take away all the frivolous stuff and variety that they enjoy so much and will make their everyday life feel mundane and boring.
      • Problems with understanding the partner: Will have problems understanding the reasons for what looks like low self-confidence in their partners, which will irritate them.  In turn, their partners will feel “the heaviness” of their confidence, often interpreting it as though their partner looks down on them.  This will bring their self-esteem even further down, leading to feelings of incapability and ultimately – unworthiness.
      • Problems with intimacy: Might be very adaptive to the needs of the partner in bed, which could leave a wrong feeling in others and be interpreted as a lack of identity in making love and an inability to lead the love game.

       THE SUBSCALES

      Short descriptions, and the actual reason for compatibility problems (problematic situations, that may occur in the relationship between a person with low and one with high results in each sub-scales of adaptability):

      CONFIDENCE VS UNCERTAINTY

      The subscale reflects the degree to which the individual is confident in his ability to deal with challenges.

      In a relationship where one partner has low confidence and the other has high confidence, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this personality trait. Some potential issues include:

      • The high-confidence partner may inadvertently undermine the low-confidence partner by constantly questioning their decisions or abilities.
      • The low-confidence partner may feel insecure or inadequate in the relationship, leading to feelings of resentment or defensiveness.
      • The high-confidence partner may become frustrated with the low-confidence partner’s lack of confidence and try to “fix” them, which can be seen as controlling behavior.
      • The low-confidence partner may struggle to express their thoughts, feelings, or needs in the relationship, leading to a lack of communication and understanding.

      In terms of how these difficulties may manifest, it could be difficult for them to make decisions together as the low-confidence partner may be hesitant in expressing their opinion. The high-confidence partner may also take more control in the relationship and dominate the decision-making, This can lead to the low-confidence partner feeling powerless, resentful and unimportant in the relationship.

      AUTONOMY VS CONFORMITY

      The subscale reflects the degree of independence in dealing with challenges, that the individual experiences and demonstrates

      In a relationship where one partner has a high level of autonomy and the other has a high level of conformity, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this personality trait. Some potential issues include:

      • The high autonomy partner may feel frustrated or constrained by the high conformity partner’s need to follow the social norms.
      • The high conformity partner may feel pressure to be more independent and assertive, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
      • The high autonomy partner may become increasingly disengaged with the high conformity partner, who might feel unsupported in his desire to see how other people do things.
      • The high conformity partner may struggle to understand or relate to the high autonomy partner’s desire to do things on his own, leading to a lack of communication and understanding.

      In terms of how these difficulties may manifest, it could be difficult for them to make decisions together as the high autonomy partner may want more freedom and flexibility, while the high conformity partner may want to stick to established norms and conventions. They may also have different approaches towards risk-taking and experimentation which can lead to them disagreeing on how to make choices and plans. The high-autonomy partner may also see the high-conformity partner as too traditional or restrictive, while the high-conformity partner may see the high-autonomy partner as too rebellious or unpredictable.

      INTELLECTUAL PLASTICITY VS CONVENTIONALITY

      The subscale reflects the degree to which the individual is able to change his direction “on the go”, depending on the change in the circumstances

      In a relationship where one partner is more flexible in his thinking and the other is more conventional, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this personality trait. Some potential issues include:

      • The high intellectual plasticity partner may feel frustration or disappointment with the conventional partner’s lack of interest in new ideas or experiences.
      • The conventional partner may feel pressure to try new things or think differently, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
      • The high intellectual plasticity partner may become increasingly disengaged with the conventional partner, who might feel unsupported or unimportant.
      • The conventional partner may struggle to understand or relate to the high intellectual plasticity partner, leading to a lack of communication and understanding.

      In terms of potential manifestations, it could be difficult for them to find common ground or shared interests, leading to them feeling less connected, They may also disagree on a lot of things or have different opinions on how to do things, leading to a lot of arguments. They also may have different social circles as the high intellectual plasticity partner may prefer more challenging “out-of-the-box” conversations and activities, which the conventional partner may not be interested in because they seem strange, fuzzy, and sometimes too philosophical.

      SOCIAL ADAPTIVENESS VS SOCIAL PERSISTENCE

      The subscale reflects the degree to which the individual is able to navigate adaptively in social interactions in order to reach an understanding and agreement

      In a relationship where one partner is more socially adaptive than the other, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this personality trait. Some potential issues include:

      • The more socially adaptive partner may feel frustration or disappointment with the partner’s lack of social skills and difficulty in adjusting to new social situations.
      • The less adaptive partner may feel pressure to be more social and outgoing, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
      • The highly adaptive partner may feel pushed and pressured to hold more rigidly to their own ideas and opinions, leading to inadequacy and lack of understanding.
      • The less adaptive partner may feel frustrated by his better half’s willingness to compromise or change their perspective. Furthermore, he might feel frustrated by his partner’s tendency to (what looks like) avoiding or shying away from confrontation.

      In terms of how these difficulties may manifest, it could be difficult for them to navigate new social situations together, as the less adaptive partner may feel uncomfortable or anxious in unfamiliar or challenging social settings, while the highly adaptive one may be more at ease and even look for those. The highly adaptable partner may also become more critical of his partner’s social skills, which can lead to arguments, resentment, and defensiveness. They may also have different approaches towards socializing which can lead to them disagreeing on how to spend their free time, or how to interact with friends or family.

      MOTOR-SPATIAL ADAPTABILITY VS ORDERLINESS & PREPAREDNESS

      The subscale reflects the degree to which the individual is able to adapt physically to new or changing circumstances and navigate his body adaptively throughout environmental challenges

      In a relationship where one partner is physically adaptive and the other is orderly and prefers to prepare his physical surroundings, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this personality trait. Some potential issues include:

      • The high motor-spatial adaptability partner may feel frustration or disappointment with the partner’s lack of agility, coordination, or physical adaptability.
      • The orderly partner may feel pressure to keep up with his partner’s activities and sports interests, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
      • The highly adaptive partner may fail to prepare for the potential risks of the physical surroundings and circumstances, which might lead to opposition in the other partner because he will interpret this as a lack of foresight, care, enough tidiness, or organization.
      • The orderly partner may struggle to understand or relate to his partner, who is good at adapting anywhere with anything and thus is ok to live in chaotic environments, which in turn might lead to a lack of communication and distancing.

      In terms of how these difficulties may manifest, it could be difficult for them to find common ground or shared interests, leading to them feeling less connected. They may also have difficulties engaging in activities such as sports, dancing, or adventure activities, which might put the orderly partner at disadvantage. They may also have a different level of physical fitness, which might affect one partner’s self-confidence. It also could be difficult for them to keep the shared spaces tidy and organized as they may disagree on what constitutes tidy or organized.

      SPONTANEITY VS PLANFULNESS

      The subscale reflects the preferred habit of the individual to deal with change and uncertainty.

      In a relationship where one partner has a high level of spontaneity and the other has a high level of planfulness, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this trait. Some potential issues include:

      • The high spontaneity partner may feel frustrated by the high planfulness partner’s tendency to over-schedule and stick to a rigid plan.
      • The high-planfulness partner may feel pressure to be more flexible and spontaneous, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
      • The high spontaneity partner may become increasingly disengaged with his partner’s desire to plan how will they spend their time together, which will be interpreted as a lack of interest in togetherness and sharing experiences.
      • The high planfulness partner may struggle to understand or relate to the high spontaneity partner’s lack of foresight and tendency to (what looks like) being more impulsive.

      In terms of how these difficulties may manifest, it could be difficult for them to make plans or decide on activities, as the high spontaneity partner may want more freedom and flexibility, while the high planfulness partner may want to stick to a schedule or a set plan. The high spontaneity partner may also see the high planfulness partner as too rigid or restrictive, while the high planfulness partner may see the high spontaneity partner as too unpredictable or disorganized. They may also have different approaches to managing their time and resources, which can lead to disagreements and conflicts.

      MORAL RELATIVISM VS MORALITY

      The subscale reflects the degree to which the individual tends to showcase flexibility towards rules, norms, and ethics

      In a relationship where one partner has a high level of moral relativism and the other has a high morality, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this personality trait. Some potential issues include:

      • The partner with high moral relativism may struggle to understand or relate to the high morality partner’s desire to rigidly follow every single small rule, norm, or expectation of society, leading to a lack of communication and understanding, and even conflict.
      • The high morality partner may feel frustrated by this partner’s tendency to view morality as relative to the situation or culture.
      • The partner with high moral relativism may feel pressure to conform to his partner’s moral or ethical standards, leading to feelings of frustration and ultimately alienation.
      • The high morality partner may feel frustrated by his partner’s tendency to act in ways that he considers to be ethically or morally questionable.

      In terms of how these difficulties may manifest, it could be difficult for them to navigate conflicts or disagreements, as the high morality partner may be more inclined to stand up for what they believe to be right, while the partner with the high moral relativism may be more inclined to put their own self-interests or practical considerations first. The high morality partner may also become more critical of his partner’s actions and behavior, which can lead to arguments, resentment, and defensiveness. They may also have different approaches towards decision making which can lead to them disagreeing on what course of action to take.

      PROGRESSIVISM VS CONSERVATISM

      This core value reflects the beliefs, attitudes, preferences, and judgments about structure, rules, authority, rituals, history, norms, old-fashioned virtues, and change; 

      In a relationship where one partner professes the value of Progressivism and the other partner professes the value of Conservatism, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this core value. Some potential issues include:

      • The progressive partner may feel frustrated by the conservative partner’s tendency to favor tradition and stability over change and progress
      • The conservative partner may feel pressure to conform to the progressive partner’s belief in social change and constant development, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
      • The progressive partner may become increasingly disengaged with the conservative partner, because of his propensity to reject anyone that is different, strange, and unpredictable, all of which, the progressive types find interesting and desirable as a company.
      • The conservative partner may struggle to understand or relate to the progressive partner’s attraction to change and constant progress, which he honestly finds unnecessarily risky.
      • The progressive partner may feel authority must be challenged and truly believe in equality, while the conservative partner cherishes authority and truly believes people should respect and follow it.

      In terms of how these difficulties might manifest, it could be difficult for them to navigate conflicts or disagreements on issues such as economic decisions, social issues, or political ideologies, as the progressive partner may be more inclined to advocate for change, while the conservative partner may be more inclined to preserve the status quo. The progressive partner may also become more critical of the conservative partner’s position, which can lead to arguments, resentment, and defensiveness. They may also have different approaches toward what they consider the right way to address a problem since the progressive types will look for open-mindedness and the conservative types will look for preserving the status quo, all of which can lead to them disagreeing on how to approach a particular issue.

      Knowing the problems, what can we do about them?

      If the discussed problems are familiar to you and you want to work on yourself so that they do not happen to you in the future, we offer you two solutions:

      PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILING

      We recommend you (and your partner if you have one) undergo a process of in-depth psychological profiling so that you could:

      • Understand the exact manifestations of your human nature in the context of the mentioned mechanisms above
      • Find out about all of the other characteristics of your human nature and their manifestations.
      • Be able to aim at the right potential partner (if you are still searching) or understand how different you actually are from your current partner (analysis of potential fit/match).
      • Deal with the challenges (for yourself or with your partner if you have one) and improve your relationship.

      DEVELOPMENT PROGRAM

      We recommend you (and your partner if you have one) to go through our personality development program, which will help you (both) to:

      • Improve your capabilities in the mentioned mechanisms above
      • Improve your relationship (if you are currently in one)
      • Become a better partner for your potential future loved one (in case you are still searching)
      • Gain knowledge and skills, customized to address all the problems above and many more.

      Spread the love and help more people to improve their love and intimate lives:

      Adaptability

      EVERYTHING STARTS WITH THE NEED

      As we already know, everything starts with our deep psychological needs. In this case, it is the need for predictability.

      Need for predictability: The only sure thing in this world is change. It is constantly happening, unpredictable, and brings with it challenges and risks. The more difficult it is for a person to adapt “on the fly” to changes, the greater the need for predictability and structure that person feels in order to more easily cope with the challenges that come with these changes. This gives rise to the need for a set of mechanisms to help us deal with change in one of two possible ways – either by improving our ability to adapt “on the fly” or by helping us to structure the world in such ways, so that it is less chaotic and more predictable for us. We call this group of mechanisms “Adaptability”.

      So what exactly is adaptability?

      Adaptability is the ability of the person to adjust to newly emerging situations and to the requirements of the new circumstances and change in general in such ways so that he has better chances for satisfying his needs.

      What information does it provide about the person, as a trait of his human nature?

      As a trait, adaptability refers to the degree to which a person is able to adjust to new situations, environments, and demands.

      We can think of the “manifestations” of this trait visualized as a scale from 1% to 100%:

      The closer the individual’s score is to 1%, the less adaptable the person is and the more structure and predictability he will need:

      1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

      Conversely, the closer it is to 100%, the more adaptable he is and the less structure and predictability he will need:

      1% ——|—————-|——100%

      People who have centered results are part of “the norm” (the majority of people) and therefore have a balanced combination of the manifestations listed below:

      1% ——|—————-|——100%

      What are the manifestations of the low and high levels of adaptability?

      LOW scores of Adaptability

      1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

      People with LOW scores on the scale Adaptability tend to:

      • Avoid taking unnecessary risks and thus rarely make unwise decisions;
      • Show a tendency to plan for potential outcomes in order to reduce the risk of the unknown;
      • Structure, arrange, and maintain the environment in a predictable state, in order to reduce the physical and intellectual load of the chaos;
      • Good at maintaining order, hierarchies, and the status quo;
      • Good at repetitive and uniform activities and requirements of uniformity from the environment;
      • Conforming to the rules, norms, social expectations, and morality overall;
      • Able to look at the world in terms of good and bad;

      HIGH scores of Adaptability

      1% ——|—————-|——100%

      People with HIGH scores on the scale Adaptability tend to:

      • Able to make decisions and take actions more easily than others;
      • Able to inspire confidence in others since they are confident in their abilities and skill;
      • Spontaneous and autonomous, and are likely to improvise;
      • Able to adapt (purely physically) quickly, to the changing environment, “on the go”.
      • Have good coordination and are skillful (handy). Easily and quickly learn new physical skills and activities which gives them a good potential for sports;
      • Have a way with interpersonal relations and are able to deal with difficult people;
      • Able to navigate through complex, constantly changing circumstances with variable rules and demands;

      WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN IN THE CONTEXT OF LOVE, INTIMACY & RELATIONSHIPS?

      In order for two people to build a well-working, long-lasting, loving relationship, they need to understand what love is, and what influences people’s ability to love.

      From “The Socio-Functional Theory of Human Nature” we know, that Love is the bouquet of feelings, sensations, moods, emotions, thoughts, and actions that accompanies the relationship between two people when they:

      • Carry the “promise” of being able to take care of each other’s needs (either by actually taking care or by showcasing the potential ability to);
      • Have similarities with each other in leading values;
      • Are not too different in their ways of dealing with challenges;
      • Have shared emotional experiences;
      • Are understanding each other intellectually;
      • Are experiencing intimate attraction (when it comes to intimate love);

      Understanding the above, whelp us identify potential problems between partners, originating from the differences in their human natures, or in this case – in their preferred mechanisms for adaptation to change:

       POTENTIAL PROBLEMS:

      Problems with the low scores:

      1% ——|—————-|—— 100%

      • Problems with Carrying the “promise” (or in other words – the ability to be liked): People with lower scores will be considered too narrow in their thinking, and as if they lack the needed “open-mindedness” for the frivolous and spontaneous nature – firstly for the initial “flirt game” and later on – for the constantly changing life. This often makes them look boring in others’ eyes. Their hesitancy in approaching challenges (including those of winning the partner) will be considered indecisiveness and lack of courage. Others often think of such people as self-underestimating which is very unattractive in the eyes of a potential partner. The typical tendency of people with lower scores to “consult” with others before making a decision is often considered a lack of opinion autonomy and even to some degree a dependency, which is usually a very unattractive thing to see in someone for an initial impression. Their tendency to correct others’ mistakes and wrong understandings predispose them to easily get into interpersonal tension and even conflict. Overall others often look at them as people “that are not made for success” and therefore not worth considering for potential partners.
      • Problems with lack of similarity in leading values (The ways they prioritize how to take care of the other): Will think others need structure and predictability the same way he/she does, which will lead to imposing unwanted rules and ways of doing things to his/her partner, claiming there is always “a right way” of doing things.
      • Problems with too many differences (focusing on the shortcomings of the potential partner): Tends to form an opinion in advance, build expectations for things, and will be too “judgy”, all of which eventually leads to disappointment, frustration, mental strain, and stress in the context of starting a new relationship.
      • Problems with gaining shared emotional experiences: Will need predictability and structure in their everyday life, which will take away the possibility of a spontaneous, adventurous life, since it will bring unacceptable amounts of stress.
      • Problems with the understanding of the partner: Will consider the signs of self-confidence of his/her partner as over-confidence and therefore as excessive risk. This will bring more insecurity to them and they will “lecture” their partners about it. This in turn, will be interpreted as a lack of faith in their partner’s abilities and will evoke irritation and frustration, and in time will lead to alienation and lack of will to “fight” for the relationship in challenging moments.
      • Problems with intimacy: Will be very opinionated about what’s acceptable and right in bed and what is not and wrong, which will lead to a more conservative and potentially more monotonous love life (from the perspective of a potentially more open-minded partner).

        Problems with the HIGH scores:

        1% ——|—————-|——100%

        • Problems with Carrying the “promise” (or in other words – the ability to be liked): Will be considered too messy, chaotic, and frivolous. Unpredictable and willing to change their opinion, therefore unreliable.
        • Problems with lack of similarity in leading values (The ways they prioritize how to take care of the other): Will not consider the specific ways others want their needs to be taken care of, since they possess the ability to be flexible and diverse in their approaches. Believing there is no single right way to do things, will lead to a direct conflict with their significant other and ultimately will mess up their ability to take care of them.
        • Problems with too many differences (focusing on the shortcomings of the potential partner): Tends to judge others as not open-minded enough and even narrow-minded, unable to see the nuances in life. Dismisses opinions of right and wrong as black-and-white thinking, which shows in their attitudes and behaviors toward others and thus alienates them. 
        • Problems with gaining shared emotional experiences: Will need spontaneity and freedom for a flexible approach in their everyday life, which will take away the possibility of predictability, planning, and structure. This will take away all the frivolous stuff and variety that they enjoy so much and will make their everyday life feel mundane and boring.
        • Problems with understanding the partner: Will have problems understanding the reasons for what looks like low self-confidence in their partners, which will irritate them.  In turn, their partners will feel “the heaviness” of their confidence, often interpreting it as though their partner looks down on them.  This will bring their self-esteem even further down, leading to feelings of incapability and ultimately – unworthiness.
        • Problems with intimacy: Might be very adaptive to the needs of the partner in bed, which could leave a wrong feeling in others and be interpreted as a lack of identity in making love and an inability to lead the love game.

         THE SUBSCALES

        Short descriptions, and the actual reason for compatibility problems (problematic situations, that may occur in the relationship between a person with low and one with high results in each sub-scales of adaptability):

        CONFIDENCE VS UNCERTAINTY

        The subscale reflects the degree to which the individual is confident in his ability to deal with challenges.

        In a relationship where one partner has low confidence and the other has high confidence, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this personality trait. Some potential issues include:

        • The high-confidence partner may inadvertently undermine the low-confidence partner by constantly questioning their decisions or abilities.
        • The low-confidence partner may feel insecure or inadequate in the relationship, leading to feelings of resentment or defensiveness.
        • The high-confidence partner may become frustrated with the low-confidence partner’s lack of confidence and try to “fix” them, which can be seen as controlling behavior.
        • The low-confidence partner may struggle to express their thoughts, feelings, or needs in the relationship, leading to a lack of communication and understanding.

        In terms of how these difficulties may manifest, it could be difficult for them to make decisions together as the low-confidence partner may be hesitant in expressing their opinion. The high-confidence partner may also take more control in the relationship and dominate the decision-making, This can lead to the low-confidence partner feeling powerless, resentful and unimportant in the relationship.

        AUTONOMY VS CONFORMITY

        The subscale reflects the degree of independence in dealing with challenges, that the individual experiences and demonstrates

        In a relationship where one partner has a high level of autonomy and the other has a high level of conformity, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this personality trait. Some potential issues include:

        • The high autonomy partner may feel frustrated or constrained by the high conformity partner’s need to follow the social norms.
        • The high conformity partner may feel pressure to be more independent and assertive, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
        • The high autonomy partner may become increasingly disengaged with the high conformity partner, who might feel unsupported in his desire to see how other people do things.
        • The high conformity partner may struggle to understand or relate to the high autonomy partner’s desire to do things on his own, leading to a lack of communication and understanding.

        In terms of how these difficulties may manifest, it could be difficult for them to make decisions together as the high autonomy partner may want more freedom and flexibility, while the high conformity partner may want to stick to established norms and conventions. They may also have different approaches towards risk-taking and experimentation which can lead to them disagreeing on how to make choices and plans. The high-autonomy partner may also see the high-conformity partner as too traditional or restrictive, while the high-conformity partner may see the high-autonomy partner as too rebellious or unpredictable.

        INTELLECTUAL PLASTICITY VS CONVENTIONALITY

        The subscale reflects the degree to which the individual is able to change his direction “on the go”, depending on the change in the circumstances

        In a relationship where one partner is more flexible in his thinking and the other is more conventional, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this personality trait. Some potential issues include:

        • The high intellectual plasticity partner may feel frustration or disappointment with the conventional partner’s lack of interest in new ideas or experiences.
        • The conventional partner may feel pressure to try new things or think differently, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
        • The high intellectual plasticity partner may become increasingly disengaged with the conventional partner, who might feel unsupported or unimportant.
        • The conventional partner may struggle to understand or relate to the high intellectual plasticity partner, leading to a lack of communication and understanding.

        In terms of potential manifestations, it could be difficult for them to find common ground or shared interests, leading to them feeling less connected, They may also disagree on a lot of things or have different opinions on how to do things, leading to a lot of arguments. They also may have different social circles as the high intellectual plasticity partner may prefer more challenging “out-of-the-box” conversations and activities, which the conventional partner may not be interested in because they seem strange, fuzzy, and sometimes too philosophical.

        SOCIAL ADAPTIVENESS VS SOCIAL PERSISTENCE

        The subscale reflects the degree to which the individual is able to navigate adaptively in social interactions in order to reach an understanding and agreement

        In a relationship where one partner is more socially adaptive than the other, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this personality trait. Some potential issues include:

        • The more socially adaptive partner may feel frustration or disappointment with the partner’s lack of social skills and difficulty in adjusting to new social situations.
        • The less adaptive partner may feel pressure to be more social and outgoing, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
        • The highly adaptive partner may feel pushed and pressured to hold more rigidly to their own ideas and opinions, leading to inadequacy and lack of understanding.
        • The less adaptive partner may feel frustrated by his better half’s willingness to compromise or change their perspective. Furthermore, he might feel frustrated by his partner’s tendency to (what looks like) avoiding or shying away from confrontation.

        In terms of how these difficulties may manifest, it could be difficult for them to navigate new social situations together, as the less adaptive partner may feel uncomfortable or anxious in unfamiliar or challenging social settings, while the highly adaptive one may be more at ease and even look for those. The highly adaptable partner may also become more critical of his partner’s social skills, which can lead to arguments, resentment, and defensiveness. They may also have different approaches towards socializing which can lead to them disagreeing on how to spend their free time, or how to interact with friends or family.

        MOTOR-SPATIAL ADAPTABILITY VS ORDERLINESS & PREPAREDNESS

        The subscale reflects the degree to which the individual is able to adapt physically to new or changing circumstances and navigate his body adaptively throughout environmental challenges

        In a relationship where one partner is physically adaptive and the other is orderly and prefers to prepare his physical surroundings, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this personality trait. Some potential issues include:

        • The high motor-spatial adaptability partner may feel frustration or disappointment with the partner’s lack of agility, coordination, or physical adaptability.
        • The orderly partner may feel pressure to keep up with his partner’s activities and sports interests, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
        • The highly adaptive partner may fail to prepare for the potential risks of the physical surroundings and circumstances, which might lead to opposition in the other partner because he will interpret this as a lack of foresight, care, enough tidiness, or organization.
        • The orderly partner may struggle to understand or relate to his partner, who is good at adapting anywhere with anything and thus is ok to live in chaotic environments, which in turn might lead to a lack of communication and distancing.

        In terms of how these difficulties may manifest, it could be difficult for them to find common ground or shared interests, leading to them feeling less connected. They may also have difficulties engaging in activities such as sports, dancing, or adventure activities, which might put the orderly partner at disadvantage. They may also have a different level of physical fitness, which might affect one partner’s self-confidence. It also could be difficult for them to keep the shared spaces tidy and organized as they may disagree on what constitutes tidy or organized.

        SPONTANEITY VS PLANFULNESS

        The subscale reflects the preferred habit of the individual to deal with change and uncertainty.

        In a relationship where one partner has a high level of spontaneity and the other has a high level of planfulness, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this trait. Some potential issues include:

        • The high spontaneity partner may feel frustrated by the high planfulness partner’s tendency to over-schedule and stick to a rigid plan.
        • The high-planfulness partner may feel pressure to be more flexible and spontaneous, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
        • The high spontaneity partner may become increasingly disengaged with his partner’s desire to plan how will they spend their time together, which will be interpreted as a lack of interest in togetherness and sharing experiences.
        • The high planfulness partner may struggle to understand or relate to the high spontaneity partner’s lack of foresight and tendency to (what looks like) being more impulsive.

        In terms of how these difficulties may manifest, it could be difficult for them to make plans or decide on activities, as the high spontaneity partner may want more freedom and flexibility, while the high planfulness partner may want to stick to a schedule or a set plan. The high spontaneity partner may also see the high planfulness partner as too rigid or restrictive, while the high planfulness partner may see the high spontaneity partner as too unpredictable or disorganized. They may also have different approaches to managing their time and resources, which can lead to disagreements and conflicts.

        MORAL RELATIVISM VS MORALITY

        The subscale reflects the degree to which the individual tends to showcase flexibility towards rules, norms, and ethics

        In a relationship where one partner has a high level of moral relativism and the other has a high morality, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this personality trait. Some potential issues include:

        • The partner with high moral relativism may struggle to understand or relate to the high morality partner’s desire to rigidly follow every single small rule, norm, or expectation of society, leading to a lack of communication and understanding, and even conflict.
        • The high morality partner may feel frustrated by this partner’s tendency to view morality as relative to the situation or culture.
        • The partner with high moral relativism may feel pressure to conform to his partner’s moral or ethical standards, leading to feelings of frustration and ultimately alienation.
        • The high morality partner may feel frustrated by his partner’s tendency to act in ways that he considers to be ethically or morally questionable.

        In terms of how these difficulties may manifest, it could be difficult for them to navigate conflicts or disagreements, as the high morality partner may be more inclined to stand up for what they believe to be right, while the partner with the high moral relativism may be more inclined to put their own self-interests or practical considerations first. The high morality partner may also become more critical of his partner’s actions and behavior, which can lead to arguments, resentment, and defensiveness. They may also have different approaches towards decision making which can lead to them disagreeing on what course of action to take.

        PROGRESSIVISM VS CONSERVATISM

        This core value reflects the beliefs, attitudes, preferences, and judgments about structure, rules, authority, rituals, history, norms, old-fashioned virtues, and change; 

        In a relationship where one partner professes the value of Progressivism and the other partner professes the value of Conservatism, there can be a number of problems that arise as a result of their differences in this core value. Some potential issues include:

        • The progressive partner may feel frustrated by the conservative partner’s tendency to favor tradition and stability over change and progress
        • The conservative partner may feel pressure to conform to the progressive partner’s belief in social change and constant development, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
        • The progressive partner may become increasingly disengaged with the conservative partner, because of his propensity to reject anyone that is different, strange, and unpredictable, all of which, the progressive types find interesting and desirable as a company.
        • The conservative partner may struggle to understand or relate to the progressive partner’s attraction to change and constant progress, which he honestly finds unnecessarily risky.
        • The progressive partner may feel authority must be challenged and truly believe in equality, while the conservative partner cherishes authority and truly believes people should respect and follow it.

        In terms of how these difficulties might manifest, it could be difficult for them to navigate conflicts or disagreements on issues such as economic decisions, social issues, or political ideologies, as the progressive partner may be more inclined to advocate for change, while the conservative partner may be more inclined to preserve the status quo. The progressive partner may also become more critical of the conservative partner’s position, which can lead to arguments, resentment, and defensiveness. They may also have different approaches toward what they consider the right way to address a problem since the progressive types will look for open-mindedness and the conservative types will look for preserving the status quo, all of which can lead to them disagreeing on how to approach a particular issue.

        Knowing the problems, what can we do about them?

        If the discussed problems are familiar to you and you want to work on yourself so that they do not happen to you in the future, we offer you two solutions:

        PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILING

        We recommend you (and your partner if you have one) undergo a process of in-depth psychological profiling so that you could:

        • Understand the exact manifestations of your human nature in the context of the mentioned mechanisms above
        • Find out about all of the other characteristics of your human nature and their manifestations.
        • Be able to aim at the right potential partner (if you are still searching) or understand how different you actually are from your current partner (analysis of potential fit/match).
        • Deal with the challenges (for yourself or with your partner if you have one) and improve your relationship.

        DEVELOPMENT PROGRAM

        We recommend you (and your partner if you have one) to go through our personality development program, which will help you (both) to:

        • Improve your capabilities in the mentioned mechanisms above
        • Improve your relationship (if you are currently in one)
        • Become a better partner for your potential future loved one (in case you are still searching)
        • Gain knowledge and skills, customized to address all the problems above and many more.

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